this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
