real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
