we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
