that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
