You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
