Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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