i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
