btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
