On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
