It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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