i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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