Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
