OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I think people are normalizing furries
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
