At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
