u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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