ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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