Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
