i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
