Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
