It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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