You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
