No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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