If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
