help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
