Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
