I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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