Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
