so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
