what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
