I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I supernannyed him into submission
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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