If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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