that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
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