I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
