hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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