what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
