what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
