I swear she didn't look like that last week.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I forget how to act sober
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
