i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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