Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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