Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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