It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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