Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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