So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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