I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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