is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
