You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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