dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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