Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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