I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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