1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I wish I could punch you in the face.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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