Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
