In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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