why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
