I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
