Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
