Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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