i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
