dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
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