i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Two words: blizzard sex
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
